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On the standards of fatherhood

Our daycare thinks Davey is the bees’ knees. He is. I know that I really lucked out with him (see here for more on that). But what has become alarming to me is how much he is praised for being a great father (he is a great father) for doing basic things any parent should do.

Take for example the little adventure he had with Seton a few weeks ago. The daycare called to let us know Seton had a low grade fever and may be showing some signs of an ear infection. They happened to reach Davey first. Davey decided he might as well pick Seton up and bring her in to the doctor. (Davey later admitted he did this so he didn’t have to hear me worrying about her that evening and wondering if we should schedule an appointment. Well played, kind sir.) Davey brought her to doctor, the presumed ear infection was ruled out, and Seton returned to daycare to happily shriek her way through the day as she so often does. When I picked her up from daycare, the staff commented on what a great father Davey is. He came right away. He took her to the doctor! He loves her! Ill be the first to tell you Davey is an amazing father. But I have to wonder if it were me–the mother–who picked her up to bring her to the doctor, would the reaction have been the same? Would they have told Davey what a great mother I was? We will never know, but for the purpose of this post and all logic and rationality—no. No, they would not have said that. Because for some reason (we all know what that reason is, let’s be honest), it’s surprising to the world when a father steps up and parents.

Since I can use this blog to air out my tangents, I also want to stop this trend of people asking me if my husband is “baby-sitting” or is going to “baby-sit.” If I go to get my hair cut, the stylist asks, “who is with the baby? Is your husband babysitting?”

No. My husband does not baby-sit. He fathers. He parents. I don’t pay him by the hour. He loves our child and cares for her because of his love. Because he chose this responsibility. Just like me.

Let’s stop holding men to such low standards, and maybe they will live up to higher ones.

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{Finance} 5 steps to take control of your financial life

Growing up, my family rarely went out to dinner. When we did, we were not allowed to order sodas because they were too expensive. Water for everyone, it was. While this was frustrating as a ten year old eyeing the root beer on the table next to us, I learned the importance of saving money by resisting the temptation to spend it on things that don’t matter.

Luckily, my husband was taught the same thing.

My husband is in the business of saving money to make money. His theories on saving money have debunked the old saying, “money doesn’t grow on trees.” The truth is, if you have a little money, you can make a little money. If you have a lot of money, you can make a lot of money. The trick is to save enough money and plant it in the right soil.

Since Davey’s job is showing people how to save money, invest money, and watch money grow, I asked him to name the most important steps for someone to take control of his financial life.

1. Figure out where you spend your money
Start by making two lists. The first list should include all your monthly essentials such as bills, groceries, and rent/mortgage. Make a second list of things you spend money on each month but you don’t need to live. Include entertainment, cable, Internet, and haircuts.

Add up all these expenses and subtract them from your monthly take-home pay. If it looks like you are coming up even, it’s safe to say you going into debt. Consider making lifestyle changes by coming up with ways to live below your means. By getting rid of internet at home, learning to cut you own hair, bringing lunch to work, and going to a pre-paid cell phone service you can easily keep another $100-$200 in your pocket.

2. Start using cash
Credit cards can be a good thing for building credit and getting rewards. However, it is easy to fall into the trap of spending money you do not actually have. By using cash, you will have better control over your finances. If you are in debt, using cash should be a priority. Quite simply, if you don’t have the cash for it, you cannot afford it and you should NOT be buying it.

3. Pay down debt
There is good debt and bad debt. Good debt is necessary debt like student loans or home mortgage. Bad debt is generally considered voluntary and related to credit cards and unsecured loans. Pay off all bad debt first. If you have credit card debt, pay off one card at a time. Start to pay off chunks of the high interest card first while paying the minimums on the others. Also explore using debt consolidation such as a home equity line of credit (HELOC). This should get all your debt in one place and usually at a lower interest rate. If you do this, be sure to not go back to the credit cards.

Here are some resources:
National Foundation for credit counseling (www.nfcc.org)
Association of Independent Consumer Credit Counseling Agencies (www.aiccca.org)

4. Save and live below your means
Start your retirement savings… NOW. This is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Talk to your human resources at work to discover how you can have a portion of your paycheck immediately deducted and placed in a retirement account. Additionally, consider starting an IRA through an investment firm.

Also, don’t forget to have an emergency fund. Everyone’s emergency fund size is different and should be at least 3-months of your essential living expenses. This money should only be used for emergencies.

5. Make money automatic and automatically
Start by trying to make everything automatic. Use the budget lists you created in step 1 to figure out what bills you have and when they are due. If you get paid on the 1st and the 15th of the month, be sure to set up automatic bill payments equally to each paycheck.

To make saving for retirement automatic, talk to human resources at work (see above) or call your bank and ask them to move $100 on the 1st and 15th of each month from your checking account where your paycheck goes to a separate savings account.

The trick is to get money out of your account before you have a chance to spend it. Pay yourself first. If you decide to go the whole month without saving but pledge to save whatever is left at the end, chances are you will have nothing left to save.

With these 5 steps, you will seeing your savings grow and have more control over your financial life.

Homemade Caramel Corn

I am concerned about my husband. He seems to enjoy making carnival foods like homemade cinnamon sugar pretzels and homemade caramel corn. I am bracing myself for the day he approaches me with the idea to start a food stand for the carnival and live our life on the road. If you know my husband, you know the manifestation of this idea is entirely probable.

There is no question about it, Davey is the chef/cook/baker around here. He likes to keep busy, so I think it’s one way he keeps himself entertained when we are at home. I get the benefits of being the taste-tester and blogger behind it.

I wanted to share this recipe for Homemade Caramel Corn because its fun to eat in the fall and will make great Christmas gifts for coworkers, neighbors, and teachers.

Davey found an original recipe here and modified it a bit. Here is how he did it:

homemade caramel corn

Ingredients

1/2 cup unpopped popcorn kernels (about 16 cups popped corn)
1/2 cup salted butter
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1/6 cup light corn syrup
1/2 tsp kosher or sea salt

Directions

Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Pop popcorn kernels over stove or with use of an air popper. Once the popcorn is done, empty into a large baking pan.

In a small sauce pan, melt butter, brown sugar, corn syrup, and salt over medium heat. Once melted together, stir and bring to a boil. Boil for 2-4 minutes.

Take caramel mixture immediately from stove and drizzle on top of popcorn. Stir the popcorn to coat evenly. Place popcorn in oven and bake for 20-30 minutes, stirring occasionally to redistribute the caramel mixture.

Cool mixture. Continue to stir occasionally to prevent clumping.

YUM. Try not to eat the whole thing. Just try.

homemade caramel corn

Life Lately

lake minnetonka, wayzata

Many times in my life I have said to myself “Two more weeks.” Two more weeks until graduation. Two more weeks until moving to a new state, starting college, starting a new job, going on an exciting trip. Two more weeks until getting married, leaving on a honeymoon. Two more weeks until moving in with my husband. Two more weeks…

But thinking “two more weeks until I get to see my baby face to face…”

There’s nothing quite like that feeling.

I am sitting on that feeling now.

I hope our baby knows how much Davey and I love each other.

I keep thinking that — I guess it’s because I feel like this life — this human — was created because of that love. I want the baby to know that s/he is living because of love.

Enough mushy-gushy I suppose.

Here come a A GAZILLION pictures of our life lately. I haven’t updated in a while so pictures have just been piling up! The pictures are all iPhone photos because I dare not unpack the nice cameras from the hospital bag and use the charges on various things happening in our life, thus missing the precious first moments of baby’s life. So here is a iPhone dump for you if you ever saw one.

Davey has been doing important things in life like hooking in the car seat and vacuuming. I have been doing even more important things like getting pedicures and taking naps.

carseat

husband vacuuming

I have also been LOVING on our little town (Hopkins, MN). There is so much to do here! Any my evening walks are absolutely gorgeous! It’s such a different town than it is in wintertime!

hopkins, MN

hopkins, mn

We even have free concerts every Thursday in a small park:

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And coming up in a couple weeks is a two weeks Raspberry Festival. When we moved here, we had no idea we chose to live in the cutest little American town that ever existed.

We have also ventured to nearby towns for art walks and festivals. Here are some pictures from the Wayzata Art Experience:

wayzata art experience

wayzata art experience

We took a break and enjoyed the view of Lake Minnetonka that day:

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Over the fourth of July, we went to Lake Calhoun and sat on the beach reading books all day. No pictures of that time though because we were so busy with our noses in our books and people watching.

Yesterday, we went to Lake Harriet for a free concert. On our way, we spotted $2 trolley rides. If you know my husband, then you know anything that appeals to a 10 year old child will appeal to him, so we signed up for the trolley. Since no one was in line with us, I kept thinking, “well, this will be kinda romantic. A trolley ride around the lakes with my husband…” but then I quickly realized Davey would spend most of the time with his arm out the window waving to passersby. This is a perfect example of our life in public: Davey does something that I think people may think is very strange for a 28 year old man….and then they don’t think it’s strange at all. Adults were waving back to Davey with almost more joy and excitement than if they were waving back to amuse a small child.

trolley, linden hills, lake harriet trolley, linden hills, lake harriet

Once the trolley ride was over, we continued on our way to the Lake Harriet Band Shell to listen to some live music.

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So that’s our life lately. Keeping busy exploring our new city while waiting anxiously to meet our baby face to face. Life is pretty good.

DIY Wedding Favors | Sharpie Coffee Mugs

Although I dream about having as much energy as all my DIY idols, I rarely muster up enough time and effort to do a DIY project.

But when Davey and I were engaged to be married, we wanted to make our wedding favors for our guests to show them how much we appreciated their support. I wanted something personalized for them so they knew we took time to make something just for them considering how much time and money they were all putting into just coming to our wedding.

The first two things I love in life are my family and friends. The third is coffee. Making personalized coffee mugs was the natural choice for our wedding favors.

coffee mugs, sharpie coffee mugs

We contacted a friend who sells coffee mugs in bulk (everyone has a friend who sells coffee mugs, right?) and made the initial purchase. We then researched and researched and researched the best “sharpie mug DIY” project we could find that had the best reviews with the longest lasting and clearest results. Naturally, we were afraid that we would spend so much time writing our guests’ names on mugs, then they would go home and wash off immediately. Tacky.

Here is how we did our DIY sharpie mugs:

1. We purchased:
–Ceramic mugs in bulk. I am talking the classic, traditional, coffee mug you find at a local diner (my personal favorite type of coffee mug).
–A set of black Sharpie oil based paint pens/markers
–Rubbing alcohol
–Cotton balls

2. Each mug was then hand washed and stripped using the rubbing alcohol and cotton balls. This step removed all the oils on the mug, therefore allowing the paint to adhere.

3. Once the rubbing alcohol was dry, we (err…I…Davey has the handwriting of a small child) hand wrote each guests’ name on a mug.

DIY sharpie mug

4. The mugs sat for 24 hours…la dee da…

DIY sharpie mug

DIY sharpie mug

5. 10 mugs at a time were placed on a baking sheet and set in the oven. The oven was then turned on to 425 deg F and the timer was set for 35 minutes. When the timer went off, we left the mugs in the oven to cool down with the oven (so the mugs didn’t crack).

6. When the mugs were completely cooled, we sprayed each mug with acrylic spray finish to set the ink.

DIY sharpie mug

DIY sharpie mug

And voila!

Photo credit Honey and Salt
Photo credit Honey and Salt

If you plan on doing all your guests’ mugs in a day…well, you’re a fool. We did a batch every time we received 10 RSVPs. Then we sprayed them all with the finish on the same day. This made it manageable for our 200 guests.

We also used our mugs to organize our table placements on our living room floor:

DIY sharpie mug

We have had some feedback from our guests and it is positive! Our guests who hand wash their mugs have noticed that the ink does not wear away. The dishwasher is a little harsher on the ink. I think no matter how you do “DIY sharpie mugs”, it’s always best to plan on hand washing for the longest lasting results.

My favorite part of the whole process has been getting picture texts of our family and friends enjoying coffee, cocoa, or hot toddies from their mugs and remembering how much we appreciate them!

{Health and Body} Pregnancy and Back Pain

back pain, pregnancy

Lately I have been eating, sleeping, and dreaming pregnancy. So when I thought about what I want my readers to know about {health and body} this week, backaches during pregnancy seemed to be an appropriate topic.

Does anyone else’s husband break out into this song when you say to him, “My back aches…”?

No? Just my husband? Figures.

What is it about pregnancy that makes our backs hurt, sometimes to the point of sending shooting pain down our legs?

There are a million-ca-trillion things going on in our bodies during pregnancy that contribute to backaches.

One of the main reasons for back pain is our changing hormones. Yes, you read it right, those little buggers not only bring us into an emotional roller coaster and make us think cruel thoughts. The hormone relaxin also makes our ligaments looser, causing instability in our spine and pelvic area. Instability can lead to pain.

Weight gain, especially rapid weight gain, puts strain on our body by increasing pressure through all our joints. We are supposed to be gaining 25-35 pounds in pregnancy–sheesh! Think about how that weight can pull down on our backs, reducing the space between our vertebrae and causing compression of various nerves and blood vessels.

As pregnancy progresses, our cute bumps start to pull our backs forward leading to an extension force (as described here) The force that pulls our low backs forward also leads to pain.

Additionally we have lost our “natural back brace“, that is, our abdominals. Our abdominals are being stretched to the max, so no matter how hard we try, it’s nearly impossible to use our abdominals to support our backs during daily activities like walking, washing dishes, bending over to pick things up from the floor, and going up and down stairs.

So what’s a pregnant woman to do (besides listening to her husband’s version of Ciara ‘Got Me Good’ daily)? Refer to my previous post on the Top 3 Exercises Every Pregnant Woman Should Do. Each exercise can help relieve back pain and promote stability in our pelvic girdle and spine

back pain, pregnancy, pregnant .

***The content of www.kayleemay.com is for informational purposes only. The information presented is not to be taken as professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are having pain, or seeking medical advice, talk to your health care provider. Do not delay in seeking treatment because of information you have read on www.kayleemay.com. Taking recommendations presented on www.kayleemay.com is solely at your own risk***

The {Grateful} Project

Davey told me the other day that it bothered him when I complained.

I immediately wanted to cry, call a friend, and complain about how Davey is too happy all the time. If you know Davey, then you know he never complains. He hasn’t had the easiest life, but he has never complained about any challenges he has faced. He just deals with them and moves on.

So naturally, I thought, “Sure I complain, but he is the weird one for not complaining ever.”

But then I remembered that when I chose to marry Davey, I chose to make it my life’s work to be a good person for him. I decided that I needed to work on being more positive.

As women, I think we rationalize our complaints by saying things like, “I just need to vent” or “It’s good for me to let it all out” or “I need a good cry.” I suppose there is some truth to all these statements, but maybe I take it too far sometimes. When complaining takes up the majority of my conversations, something needs to change.

But how do we, as women, find that balance between “venting” and “complaining too much.” How do we make sure we let it all out before it “bottles up”, but we don’t let it consume us?

I think it has something to do with being grateful, even in the small moments. I heard a TED talk about how gratitude leads to happiness, and I think this should be my first step in working to spend less time complaining. I need to recognize the things in my life that I am grateful for and focus on them.

I have to work Memorial day, but thank God I have a job.
I live in a city where I have yet to meet a group of friends, but thank God my husband is a good friend to me.
My feet hurt at the end of the day and my back aches from bending over to set up obstacles for my patients, but thank God for giving me the opportunity to carry a child.
I miss seeing my Grandma on a regular basis, but thank God I can still call her whenever I want.
I have student loans coming out of my ears, but thank God for the opportunity to make people feel better every day.
The highway I take to work is closed, and it now takes me twice as long to get to work, but thank you God for showing me the back roads of Minneapolis.

When I think of things this way, I really have nothing to complain about.

Photo Credit Honey and Salt
Photo Credit Honey and Salt
Photo Credit Honey and Salt
Photo Credit Honey and Salt

St. Louis has my heart

There is nothing like time spent with friends that refuels the soul. This past weekend was one that makes me day dream at work and count down the weeks until I get to see them all again. Not to mention, watching one of my best friends marry an incredible man is a dream come true. I literally cried my eyes out watching her walk down the aisle– after getting married last September, I feel so much joy for my friends when they share that moment with their husband—locking eyes as they walk down the aisle with all their loved ones present. There are no words to explain it. I could tell Anne was sensing that peace that comes with the Sacrament, and I couldn’t be more happy for her (and John). Here are some pictures to recap the weekend!!

Davey joined Anne and I for our traditional Friday morning mass at the basilica followed by coffee:
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See the building in the background!!??? Count 8 floors up…that was our apartment! Take me back…
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This handsome broad spent most of the time at the pool! He’s all mine, ladies. 😉
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I asked Baby Hiatt if we should live in St. Louis. I felt multiple kicks….I’ll take that as a “yes.”
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There is no other way to start Anne’s wedding day than with coffee and breakfast at a local coffee joint!
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The bride herself:
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Look who we found! SISTER!
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This rowdy table was in the back corner for a good reason…
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Anyone who can spin Anne around the dance floor has my vote…
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The WUPT crew!
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Ahh….seriously, take me back.

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

There is some strange thing about pregnancy that makes people feel like they can ask really personal questions. Although I love being pregnant, I kind of hate how I feel like everyone around me is thinking about how my body is changing. The best way to deal with it is to laugh it off so that I don’t go home every night and eat a pint of ice cream to repress the awkward conversations about my boobs with complete strangers. So, in the spirit of pregnancy humor to deal with my emotions, here are:

pregnant, pregnancy, maternity,

{that have all been said to me}

We’re emotional for God’s sake!

1. Are you sure you aren’t having twins?

2. When’s your due date? In three months?! I thought you were going to say ‘next week’.

3. Wow! You have really grown over the past week. Especially your face.

4. Have you noticed how huge your boobs have gotten? I bet you can’t see your feet because your boobs are so big.

5. I think you’re having a girl because they say girls steal all your beauty.

6. I think you’re having a girl because you are carrying very wide in the abdomen.

7. They say your hair is supposed to get shinier with the prenatal vitamins…are you taking your vitamins?

8. Was this planned?

9. Let me see how swollen your feet are.

10. How often do you pee?

And to hear what it’s like in a pregnant hormonal mind, here were my reactions to the questions:

1. In my mind: Pretty sure they have technology to tell you if you’re having twins, Jack Ass.
Out loud: Well, the ultrasound only showed one!

2. In my mind: Thanks a lot for calling me fat.
Out loud: Yeah, well hopefully it goes quick.

3. In my mind: …(I was speechless)
Out loud: … (I was speechless)

4. In my mind: Sir, every woman wears a bra fitted to a certain size, so how would I even get dressed in the morning without realizing the size of my girls!? I don’t need you to point it out.
Out loud: I can still see my feet. And tie my shoes.

5. In my mind: You’re not pregnant, who stole your beauty?
Out loud: Yeah, maybe! A girl would be fun!

6. In my mind: Ouch.
Out loud: Yeah, maybe! A girl would be fun!

7. In my mind: Okay, I get it, people. I don’t have shiny hair and maybe a small fetus is somehow sucking out all my beauty.
Out loud: Don’t miss a day!

8. In my mind: You’re asking if my husband and I check “have baby” off a to-do list like it’s a chore?
Out loud: We are so happy to be pregnant.

9. In my mind: What kind of person wants to look at someone’s feet?
Out loud: I only show those at the circus!

10. In my mind: I feel like I’m peeing right now.
Out loud: I need to use the restroom.

With 12 weeks to go, I am sure there will be many more of these gems–I’ll keep you posted so I don’t cry myself to sleep after my nightly pint of ice cream and bra shopping.

{Health and Body} The Ergonomics of Sleep

I love sleep. My husband can tell you that I take my sleep time very seriously. My well being (and his) depends on how well I sleep.

But I have noticed with my patients that sleep can have a negative impact on our muscles and bones if we sleep in the wrong position.

the ergonomics of sleep

With every evaluation I perform at the clinic, I ask “What is your preferred sleeping position?” because the position we lay in for a long period of time is the position that directs the way our body moves during the day.

Take for example what I like to call the “road kill” position, a favorite among young women:

sleep

If you like to sleep in this position, you are all over a mess the next day. My neck hurts just looking at this! People who sleep in this position traditionally face the same way each night, which overly stretches their neck. Upon evaluation, I notice that they have too much neck rotation one direction and not enough rotation the other direction. The road kill sleeper may also stick one arm under a pillow, meaning that night after night, they over-stretch their rotator cuff muscles (the shoulder stabilizers), making the shoulder weak, loose, and often painful.

The road kill sleeper also comes into the physical therapy clinic with low back pain and hip pain because the asymmetrical alignment of the hips rotates the pelvis and low back.

sleep4

Night after night, this makes the back overly flexible into rotation, meaning that the back will tend to rotate during daily activities (like walking, climbing stairs). The lumbar spine (low back) is not designed for rotation, so rotating the back during daily activities leads to pain. When a young woman tells me she has “sciatic pain” (a generic term for pain that is referred down one leg), chances are that she sleeps with her legs in an asymmetrical position.

There are a number of ways we sleep, and night after night, we allow our bodies to adapt and form into our preferred sleeping position. So what’s the best position to sleep in?

Every person is different, but it’s good to keep symmetry in mind. The legs should be symmetrical, the neck should be in a neutral position, and the low back should be in a neutral position (not too bent, not too extended, not too rotated). Try laying on your side with 1-2 pillows between your knees (all the way down to your shins). If you have shoulder or neck pain, it’s a good idea to hug a pillow with your top arm. Make sure your bottom arm isn’t consumed under your head pillow….you’re just asking for your hand to go numb because you’re impinging on nerves.

sleep

Changing the way you sleep may seem an impossible task. You’ll likely wake up in the road kill position with the extra pillows on the floor — but keep trying. If we start protecting our bodies now, they will last us a lot longer!

***The content of www.kayleemay.com is for informational purposes only. The information presented is not to be taken as professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are having pain, or seeking medical advice, talk to your health care provider. Do not delay in seeking treatment because of information you have read on www.kayleemay.com. Taking recommendations presented on www.kayleemay.com is solely at your own risk***