Tag: relationships


May
2014

The {Grateful} Project

categories: Life, Love Story, Marriage

Davey told me the other day that it bothered him when I complained.

I immediately wanted to cry, call a friend, and complain about how Davey is too happy all the time. If you know Davey, then you know he never complains. He hasn’t had the easiest life, but he has never complained about any challenges he has faced. He just deals with them and moves on.

So naturally, I thought, “Sure I complain, but he is the weird one for not complaining ever.”

But then I remembered that when I chose to marry Davey, I chose to make it my life’s work to be a good person for him. I decided that I needed to work on being more positive.

As women, I think we rationalize our complaints by saying things like, “I just need to vent” or “It’s good for me to let it all out” or “I need a good cry.” I suppose there is some truth to all these statements, but maybe I take it too far sometimes. When complaining takes up the majority of my conversations, something needs to change.

But how do we, as women, find that balance between “venting” and “complaining too much.” How do we make sure we let it all out before it “bottles up”, but we don’t let it consume us?

I think it has something to do with being grateful, even in the small moments. I heard a TED talk about how gratitude leads to happiness, and I think this should be my first step in working to spend less time complaining. I need to recognize the things in my life that I am grateful for and focus on them.

I have to work Memorial day, but thank God I have a job.
I live in a city where I have yet to meet a group of friends, but thank God my husband is a good friend to me.
My feet hurt at the end of the day and my back aches from bending over to set up obstacles for my patients, but thank God for giving me the opportunity to carry a child.
I miss seeing my Grandma on a regular basis, but thank God I can still call her whenever I want.
I have student loans coming out of my ears, but thank God for the opportunity to make people feel better every day.
The highway I take to work is closed, and it now takes me twice as long to get to work, but thank you God for showing me the back roads of Minneapolis.

When I think of things this way, I really have nothing to complain about.

Photo Credit Honey and Salt
Photo Credit Honey and Salt
Photo Credit Honey and Salt
Photo Credit Honey and Salt

Feb
2014

When I dated my husband

categories: Faith, Love Story, Marriage

It’s the week of love! In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I want to share a love story with you. Ours! I love a good love story, and ours happens to be my favorite.

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Davey and I both grew up in Geist, a reservoir town in an Indianapolis suburb. He lived on one side of the reservoir, and I lived on the other. The reservoir separated us into rival high schools and connected us through our community’s church.

I knew of Davey in high school because Davey is…well…how should I say it…spirited. Energetic. Funny. Basically, he makes himself known. I, on the other hand, spent most of my high school career trying NOT to be known because my hair was too frizzy, and I needed to study. So Davey never really knew me.

Seven years after high school, I had travelled the world and lived in 9 different cities for more than two months at a time. I had become resilient, adaptive, adventurous, and more confident. It dawned on me that it didn’t matter that I had frizzy hair, and I no longer needed to study because I got my degrees.

So I accepted a friend’s request to help out at the church for a youth retreat when I moved back to Indianapolis, and that’s where I met Davey, who was also helping out. Believe it or not, Davey told me he liked my hair that weekend.

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So we started dating and quickly realized this was something. Something life changing and exciting. We knew we were never going to be “Davey” or “Kaylee” anymore, but we would always be “Davey and Kaylee.”

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We went about dating in a very traditional way. We didn’t live together or stay at each other’s places. Every relationship is different and living apart while we were dating just worked for us. We are both reflective people, and the time we had apart from each other was just as important as the time we had with each other. It gave us an opportunity to reflect on who we want to be for the other person so we could be the best version of ourselves. Since we fell in love quickly, it also gave us the opportunity to slow things down and go about things rationally so we weren’t blinded by our strong feelings toward each other.

Davey spent a lot of time with my grandpa while he was in hospice
Davey spent a lot of time with my grandpa while he was in hospice

Our work shifts were opposite, so we were very creative on finding times to see each other like over lunch breaks or meeting for early morning masses. We learned how to make time for each other and how to make our relationship a priority, which has made a good impact on our marriage. I was literally so excited every single time I got to see him. In a way, the rush I got walking down the aisle toward him on our wedding day felt like a familiar rush I got every time I got to see him when we were dating. I think I have been walking down the aisle toward him my whole life.

So when Davey proposed on March 9, 2013, I accepted. Ill post about that tomorrow.


Jan
2014

5 things to consider when looking for Mr. Right

categories: Life, Marriage
Photo by Honey and Salt {http://honeyandsalt.us}
Photo by Honey and Salt {http://honeyandsalt.us}

I feel like I really lucked out with my Mr. Right. I mean, I really lucked out.

The other day, my husband cooked dinner. Usually whoever cooks gets to sit out of doing the dishes. But on this particular night, he even did the dishes. I wanted to sing on the rooftops, scream it to every girl I know, “THERE IS A MAN IN THE WORLD WHO COOKS AND DOES DISHES!” When I realized that I was getting overly excited about this situation, I suddenly became extremely sad for girls all over. I mean, we get excited when we find a man who will do dishes. That’s sad, right? What are our expectations for men?

Then I thought about all the other reasons I feel like I lucked out with my Mr. Right: He cleans (himself and the house), he has a good work ethic, he is financially disciplined, he considers and respects what I want, and I genuinely love him.

This shouldn’t be lucking out. This should be the norm.

No wonder why we have TV shows where ABC finds one guy with these qualities and has 25 women pursue him.

I wanted to write this post for two reasons. The first reason is that I want girls all over to know there are men who can take care of life issues, and those are the men they should choose to be with. Second, I want men all over to realize that girls are now going to look for guys who can take care of life issues, so it’s time you all start figuring it out.

Here are five things to consider when choosing your Mr. Right:

1. Cleanliness. When was his last haircut? Scratch that….what I mean is, does he look scraggly? If he can’t take care of his hygiene, how is he going to take care of his life? What does his home look like? Does he own cleaning products? If he doesn’t know what a Swiffer is by now, you can bet he won’t be the one to think of cleaning the floor once you’re married. I’m not suggesting he needs to get a mani/pedis, but its important that some standards exist.

2. Work Ethic. There is a lot to be said for a man who can find a job, keep a job, and excel at his job. It shows he can be dedicated to something. He can work for something. He doesn’t give up when things get tough. Even if he has had a hard time keeping a job (this economy is crazy), does he follow a dream of his? Does he pursue something?

3. Financial Discipline. He doesn’t have to be the richest man in the world; that’s not what’s important. But if he is older than 22 and hasn’t considered a savings account, you might want to see where his financial priorities lie. Before getting married, ask him if he has credit card debt. Ask him how much he has in savings. I can’t begin to tell you how much this will affect your marriage, even if you are doing separate accounts. If he blows his account at the casino, on a big screen TV, or on a new car, the only thing you have for your family is what you are contributing. You want to be able to fully trust that he will be honest with his finances, and you want to feel safe with him having some control over yours. He doesn’t have to be the breadwinner, but he should be able to spend and save wisely.

4. Consideration and respect. It’s okay if you don’t agree on everything, but does he respect your thoughts and opinions? Does he ask you what you want? You know the saying, “Women are from Venus, men are from Mars.” Men will never understand the purpose of a throw pillow. But does he make an effort to see your point of view?

5. Love. My husband is my favorite person in the world. I wouldn’t have married anyone else. If I were single until age 75, then met my husband, my life would be complete. I would rather be single my whole life to meet Davey at the end than to have been with another man the whole time. There is no rush…just don’t settle. Mr. Right is worth waiting for.

So, in my last plea for good-standing men, let’s heighten our expectations of what we deserve, and in response, the men will have to rise to the occasion.

Photo by Honey and Salt {honeyandsalt.us}
Photo by Honey and Salt {honeyandsalt.us}