Our daycare thinks Davey is the bees’ knees. He is. I know that I really lucked out with him (see here for more on that). But what has become alarming to me is how much he is praised for being a great father (he is a great father) for doing basic things any parent should do.

Take for example the little adventure he had with Seton a few weeks ago. The daycare called to let us know Seton had a low grade fever and may be showing some signs of an ear infection. They happened to reach Davey first. Davey decided he might as well pick Seton up and bring her in to the doctor. (Davey later admitted he did this so he didn’t have to hear me worrying about her that evening and wondering if we should schedule an appointment. Well played, kind sir.) Davey brought her to doctor, the presumed ear infection was ruled out, and Seton returned to daycare to happily shriek her way through the day as she so often does. When I picked her up from daycare, the staff commented on what a great father Davey is. He came right away. He took her to the doctor! He loves her! Ill be the first to tell you Davey is an amazing father. But I have to wonder if it were me–the mother–who picked her up to bring her to the doctor, would the reaction have been the same? Would they have told Davey what a great mother I was? We will never know, but for the purpose of this post and all logic and rationality—no. No, they would not have said that. Because for some reason (we all know what that reason is, let’s be honest), it’s surprising to the world when a father steps up and parents.

Since I can use this blog to air out my tangents, I also want to stop this trend of people asking me if my husband is “baby-sitting” or is going to “baby-sit.” If I go to get my hair cut, the stylist asks, “who is with the baby? Is your husband babysitting?”

No. My husband does not baby-sit. He fathers. He parents. I don’t pay him by the hour. He loves our child and cares for her because of his love. Because he chose this responsibility. Just like me.

Let’s stop holding men to such low standards, and maybe they will live up to higher ones.

Growing up, my family rarely went out to dinner. When we did, we were not allowed to order sodas because they were too expensive. Water for everyone, it was. While this was frustrating as a ten year old eyeing the root beer on the table next to us, I learned the importance of saving money by resisting the temptation to spend it on things that don’t matter.

Luckily, my husband was taught the same thing.

My husband is in the business of saving money to make money. His theories on saving money have debunked the old saying, “money doesn’t grow on trees.” The truth is, if you have a little money, you can make a little money. If you have a lot of money, you can make a lot of money. The trick is to save enough money and plant it in the right soil.

Since Davey’s job is showing people how to save money, invest money, and watch money grow, I asked him to name the most important steps for someone to take control of his financial life.

1. Figure out where you spend your money
Start by making two lists. The first list should include all your monthly essentials such as bills, groceries, and rent/mortgage. Make a second list of things you spend money on each month but you don’t need to live. Include entertainment, cable, Internet, and haircuts.

Add up all these expenses and subtract them from your monthly take-home pay. If it looks like you are coming up even, it’s safe to say you going into debt. Consider making lifestyle changes by coming up with ways to live below your means. By getting rid of internet at home, learning to cut you own hair, bringing lunch to work, and going to a pre-paid cell phone service you can easily keep another $100-$200 in your pocket.

2. Start using cash
Credit cards can be a good thing for building credit and getting rewards. However, it is easy to fall into the trap of spending money you do not actually have. By using cash, you will have better control over your finances. If you are in debt, using cash should be a priority. Quite simply, if you don’t have the cash for it, you cannot afford it and you should NOT be buying it.

3. Pay down debt
There is good debt and bad debt. Good debt is necessary debt like student loans or home mortgage. Bad debt is generally considered voluntary and related to credit cards and unsecured loans. Pay off all bad debt first. If you have credit card debt, pay off one card at a time. Start to pay off chunks of the high interest card first while paying the minimums on the others. Also explore using debt consolidation such as a home equity line of credit (HELOC). This should get all your debt in one place and usually at a lower interest rate. If you do this, be sure to not go back to the credit cards.

Here are some resources:
National Foundation for credit counseling (www.nfcc.org)
Association of Independent Consumer Credit Counseling Agencies (www.aiccca.org)

4. Save and live below your means
Start your retirement savings… NOW. This is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Talk to your human resources at work to discover how you can have a portion of your paycheck immediately deducted and placed in a retirement account. Additionally, consider starting an IRA through an investment firm.

Also, don’t forget to have an emergency fund. Everyone’s emergency fund size is different and should be at least 3-months of your essential living expenses. This money should only be used for emergencies.

5. Make money automatic and automatically
Start by trying to make everything automatic. Use the budget lists you created in step 1 to figure out what bills you have and when they are due. If you get paid on the 1st and the 15th of the month, be sure to set up automatic bill payments equally to each paycheck.

To make saving for retirement automatic, talk to human resources at work (see above) or call your bank and ask them to move $100 on the 1st and 15th of each month from your checking account where your paycheck goes to a separate savings account.

The trick is to get money out of your account before you have a chance to spend it. Pay yourself first. If you decide to go the whole month without saving but pledge to save whatever is left at the end, chances are you will have nothing left to save.

With these 5 steps, you will seeing your savings grow and have more control over your financial life.